get that serotonin in me

This reminds me that tomorrow I have "meds clinic" instead of a regular visit with my p-doc. I never know how these sessions go. Sometimes I go and it's a teeny room crowded with professional looking men betrayed by their leg-joggling, sometimes it's like a bus just unloaded from a halfway house.

we'll see.

monday

Preoccupation with death.

Perceiving one's body as crippled,
lame, uglier than average,
more flawed than average,
useless, decrepit, defunct.

I will learn to walk with a cane,
I will fuck you like it will be the last time, like
this churning might break me
open at the hips.

homesick

i spend too much time looking at personal ads. lately i have so much trouble thinking of any possible reason anyone would date me. ok, sure, i'm damn cute, i'm smart, well-read, blah. but everytime i meet someone i like a lot they scoot as soon and they learn What I'm Really Like.

lately i feel like Jabba the Hut.