Sunday, September 30, 2007

working title

this body is all i have.

you do not understand this.
you can escape yours easily.
in sports. in sex. in sleep.

we have to walk slowly
when we drag this old thing around.


it is as heavy as grandmothers
heavy as heartbreak
as could have been
as midnight
& as luggage.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

actually I am scared shitless

I was more than a little perturbed by the results of the study
published in April in the Journal of Neuroscience.

As a young woman (27) who has fibro, the next study I would like to
see would compare the brains of a group of fibro patients in their 30s
with the brains of normal people in their 70s. I am active, in good
shape, quite intelligent, take excellent care of my body and yet I
despair of living through another decade of this. What can I expect?
Are there any preventative measures I can take (for example,
Alzheimer's medication- would it help with the "fibro fog"?) or should
I start saving to go live in a retirement home when I'm 40? Why do I
know more about my disorder than the rheumatologist public health care
sends me to? Why are fibro patients sent to rheumatologists anyways,
when we clearly have a nerve/brain malady, rather than one of bone or
connective tissue?

No one is answering my questions.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

not quite Kevorkian...

Having fibromyalgia makes us reckless in ways that definitely seem to make clear the major diagnostic points of our particular neurosis. People with fibro tend to self-medicate.

When shopping at my new favorite, or my old neighborhood store I throw down a good chunk of change on supplements. I was at Sunflower a couple days ago and I noticed the Tyrosine and seeing as the label said it a nerve strengthener I bought some. Yesterday I woke up covered with a weird rash. Sure enough Tyrosine can cause hives and rashes. So I'm in to Howard Brown to get a cortisone shot and a scolding.