I really wish I could go back on meds, that they'd work. that the side effects wouldn't be just as miserable as my baseline state is.

weeks of unending dopesickness has left me sure that my neurochemistry is irrevocably fucked.

I've read that crippling depression and anxiety are part of "secondary withdrawals," that it's going to be another month before I feel anywhere close to normal, which is way too close to rock bottom for me anyway.

I'm losing friends because all I do is whinge. I can't stand myself either. I can't stand feeling like this and all I can do is stick needles in myself and take handfuls of valerian root and drink lemon balm tea and wait for my heart to stop pounding.

I'm at wit's end. I've been having a panic attack, unable to stop crying for 3 days straight.