Tuesday, January 15, 2008

fits in a goddamn manila envelope

Down to 100mg of Lyrica today and yesterday. Might stay there a while. Cymbalta cut to 60 from 90 without any of the nasty electrozappies I was expecting. Didn't quite bounce out of bed, but I did wake up after 9.5 ish hours instead of 13.

I've been just on the cusp of manic all day, unable to sit still, starting then abandoning multiple projects only to pick them back up. I made rice milk, joined with millions of slacker computer geeks skiving off work to lurk the macworld expo, registered and paid for pharm tech classes at the Humboldt Park Vocational thingy, biked to the library, read a book, worked on cellphone/vj self portrait, read through the medical terminology textbook...

oh, and made the bomb arroz con gandules.

My body feels more and more mine, but I am not sure how to tell you why. I'm sure part of it is that the vague dread I felt because of December/money stress is tco, but I feel like I've been missing something. Granted, the meds overload and the smoking pot in bed and crying all day could have something to do with why the end of last year seems so blurry.

It's going to be strange to adjust to having a schedule again. Already I have the next week almost completely planned out. Bike workshop, hang with the Other Ex-Pat, Dill Pickle Food Co-op benefit, pin-up shoot w/ vintage auto, then class starts.

I had all those days where it took me hours just to make breakfast. Hours of blurry headed misery, like a teenager again, stuck on the sofa with mono.

I can't go back to that.

I can't stop moving. I can't let gravity catch my feet.

Pray these wings don't melt.

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